Today I learnt something enormous, it is a ‘gigantic’ thing for me as it has given
me a huge impact. Often, I tell myself to always be grateful. I realize that
when the joy kicks in, I am in my definite happiness. However, when the pain
strikes, I will start to grief for a long time even though the pain or calamity
is just a simple one. Then again, I kept rethinking the thought, “Am I really a
grateful servant?”
Sometimes,
I have had days when I had a hard time to put myself to sleep. I kept thinking
about the future. I have always wondered about what will the future promises
me? And then again, I asked myself “Am I really a grateful servant?” I should
have let go of the thoughts that worry me, to Him, The Almighty. He knows what
is best to each of His servant.
As I
grow up, I can feel that human being is fragile. We have feelings to take care
of, we have worries and doubts to control and most and foremost, we have both
Imaan and Nafs and these two are the highlight of ourselves. It is a reflection
of us. Are we having a high Imaan or
are we gulping a bad craving for the
Nafs?
I
have always worried about these two things because as a human being, we are not ma’sum (the name (special gift) given to the
chosen anbiya’) I sometimes disregard these two essential things. I have
had feelings that I have given them an upright control. However, without me
realizing it, they are lost somewhere and it is hard to patch and secure them
back. Often, when the damage is done, it is hard to mend it back to its normal
state.
What
I truly learnt about the whole thing that is taking control right now is to be extremely patience and grateful.
Patience is a crucial part because in order to be having an extraordinary patience, one needs to have an excellent
level of Imaan. One of the things that I am afraid of is, if I am unable to
remain patience for everything that takes place.
And
grateful? Grateful is an everyday word that people used to utter. The utterance
is easy but the application is not. It is extremely
hard to remain grateful if we are not practicing patience at the very first
place. These two are interconnected. Every day, I ask myself “Am I really a
grateful servant?” I am afraid of not being one of those because this world is
extremely crazy and as a human being, I am absolutely greedy.
Today
I learnt that it is easier to tell people to always be grateful and remain
patience when calamity strikes but when it is happening to us, it is extremely
hard to fit in the shoes. To carry the burden, to feel the pain and to think
about the various solutions, are actually tiring. Really tiring as it is still
unsure and the risk(s) that we need to face is one of the things that count
and it contributes to worrying. See the correlation? It starts with having an
extreme patience.
An extreme patience leads to a state of
being grateful. A state of being
grateful leads to another step which is an acceptance. Acceptance is the hardest part as it needs a really convincing thought. And looking
at all of these all over again, it
starts with having an extreme patience upon something that takes place.
It
seems silly sometimes as we have always asked Allah to give us strength to endure
something but we forget to ask Him for an extreme patience to endure things. We
feel that strength can cure us, calm us and change us. We are human being, we
break down and we become clueless when we failed to come out with better
solutions.
For
whatever things that might come across someday, I am hoping that Allah gives us
an extreme patience to be practically practiced in our daily life. This dunya’
is scary and I could not help but to carry the worries of it. However, I know I
shall not worry about it as He is up there, watching every bit of the struggle
we made in this worldly life. He promises us twice in the Qur'an:
"Surely with difficulty is ease (94:5)
With difficulty surely is ease" (94:6)
So, why do we fear the uncertainties?
 |
| To help ease the worries :) |
Hanani Fauzi
30th January 2018, 4.30 a.m.
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